Why do men lose family courts

Like most people, you probably have arrived at this article as you are looking for answers to specific family law problems. Hopefully this article will help motivate you to take the necessary steps to solve your problem.

The subject of this article is "Why are men lost in family courts?" I have tried to answer this question for the past two decades. After considerable research, case evaluation and client interview I believe that there is an answer now.

19 years ago, I experienced a cruel divorce. In fact, during divorce, we were very kind to each other and agreed to settle out of court. My ex-wife, like most people, agreed to terms simply through paralegal of divorce application. I walked without doing anything! I surrendered the house, ($ 40,000 for stock) Boats, cars, furniture ... All the things that I married for 13 years suddenly disappeared. We had three children and wanted to benefit from these items. At that time I did not understand it, but I was able to sign a better contract that brought much benefit to all members of my family. In retrospect, I did not know what a good agreement was and how to make it. I was very worried about maintaining a good relationship with my former employee, so I avoided anything that might have led to a legitimate battle. I should have submitted my answer to the court and requested a fair division of property, storage, visit, and support order based on my real income. Generally I had to pay more attention to legal problems. This was truly a mistake!

Like most men, I adopted a common belief that men will always lose in divorce proceedings, so now we should abandon everything and inevitably avoid it. What I did not notice at that time was that no one was doing it by surrendering everything to a former wife. My wife who unconsciously abandoned my property quickly caused her to develop a false trust in the legal system that could sue me over and over again and again. Like many women, she understood the general idea of ​​men who always lost in family courts and she capitalized on this belief. So it was no longer important how much she gave her the fact that I do not know what I am doing. It is a huge mistake that unconsciously failed to unconditionally fair and impartial agreement unconditionally, despite all things I surrendered when I leave the family house, It was a personal invitation to appeal. I noticed that money and property are not a substitute unless there is a well-written, fair and equal agreement on all the issues. Like the advertisement of American Express, "Do not go home without it!"

Because I was ignorant and did not recognize the significance of these rights, I abandoned many other rights. Mainly my child's right. I definitely believed that women always get custody of their children. And, father is always based on weekly weekend visit schedule. Actually, I was very ignorant, so I thought this was actually law! Even a little I noticed that I still have to pay more, even after I gave everything I had.

About two years later, I gained a new love interest and our "friendly divorce" turned into a legitimate nightmare! She was advised to go to a lawyer, increase children's support, reduce visits, despise the court, and take me to court to cause other problems. I went to a lawyer and went to the court paying a fee of $ 3500.00. I trusted that I had fairly resolved all legal problems from the beginning.

After three court trials and adding a $ 3,000 attorneys fee (Total $ 6,500.00) Later I kicked my ass! My lawyer never did anything! He was worthless but certainly rich. On my way home from the court, I came to understand how incompetent the family law system is for men and search for answers. Furthermore, even if I hire a lawyer, I do not succeed in solution. A few days later, I saw the newspaper advertisement of the fatherhood support group near my house. Sounds interesting and I decided to attend one of their meetings.

Next Friday, I arrived at the meeting, I had no hope, I was discouraged. While I was walking to the seat, a lot of pamphlets and books and other papers teaching men with family law problems were sent. Most of these materials advocated political reform of the family legal system. I got everything!

Entering my seat, the meeting began with the fact that several men share the story of people who have severe prejudice and prejudice in the family court. The first thing I noticed was that it was not just what I experienced inside and outside the court. After two or three testimony, the gentleman went to the podium and headed for the crowd. The subject of his speech was "The reason why a man loses in a family court."

The gentleman opened a speech with the following question: "How many of you came here tonight, as you are currently in the family law case and looking for an answer? Who in the room Hands raised their hands: "How much did you default when you do not respond to divorce or hearing?" Many people raised their hands. "How long have you been struggling with your child's help?" Most people raised their hands again. "How many of you are harassed by local lawyers? (Enforcement of child support) How much taxes were collected for the support of children who were holding a driver's license for child support or exempted children? Many people raised their hands. I paid a lot of money to a lawyer to solve your problem but how many people have lost the battle yet? Almost everyone raises their hands, "How many of you are you Case? "The room suddenly became quiet, no one raised his hand.

When the speaker finished the question, it was very obvious that most of the men in the room including me did not know the first thing about avoiding or solving family law problems! It was a moment of realization that we failed by each ignorance. These men, including me, were like lambs going to slaughter. There was no clue among us what we did wrong or how to solve the legal problem. What a pathetic male group! This was not what we expected.

The speaker continued by explaining why the man loses in the family court. "Yes, prejudice, prejudice, discrimination is against men. Yes, the family court system is broken and reform is necessary, but despite these problems, we did not take time to learn the mechanism of the system So, "As he is speaking, he raised examples of many mistakes made by men. "Because men do not do homework merely, they lose in the family court.

Most men, including themselves, believe they can solve any problems. Most companies are doing business, negotiating the purchase of homes and cars, and succeeding in solving major problems at work and at home. Consistent with success in other areas of their lives, when their long-term relationship is over, they will call it a man's press and pride without making a legally submitted contract But, in fact it is arrogance! If you can not know how the family legal system works, your case will be ruined. As one leading motivational speaker mentioned: "Failure to plan is going to fail! There is no substitute for correct information and knowledge.

The speaker closed the meeting with this recommendation: "I want you to promise each other, promises to your friends, family, your children, and yourself! I am familiar with the structure of family legislation I promise to learn from you, I promise to change the result of your case! Each week you go to your local legal library and bookstore and you can read something with family law Do not give up until you reach the goal and get what you need!

When I came home from the meeting, I was filled with a confused feeling about what the speaker was saying. On the other hand, I was encouraged to control my case, learn the mechanism of the system, and solve ongoing legal problems. On the other hand, when I realized that I caused my own legal problems, I was very disappointed. I did not remember "game rules", so I was defeated at the trial. Like the other millions of men, I thought that I could easily do a court settlement and continue my life. I was wrong! This was a very difficult lesson for me! I was a college graduate. I was pretty intelligent and should have known better. My ex-wife was not responsible, I was! I also did this myself! My failure was her victory!

The next morning I promised to resolve legal problems. Following the directions of the speaker, I went to the local law library and read many books and articles. The next day I went to numerous bookstores and read many self-help books on family law. Also, I searched the Internet and read all the things I can do about divorce and family law. The more I read it, I noticed that I was wrong.

During the next 6 months I have studied family law and continued to participate in a conference hosted by a local father's rights support organization. In the course of a few weeks my personal legal knowledge and legal issues concerning my family began to flourish. In fact, I eventually became an official in the whole state. A few months later, I also entered the communal college paralegal class. A year later, I promised to enter the law school. What a boy around!

My first year at a law school, I began self-supporting legal assistance and counseling for men. I also returned to the court to solve the incomplete legal services. I am ready for battle this time! I did my homework!

On the court day, I discovered that the former wife had the same lawyer he used before. When he saw me in the corridor, I am convinced that he thought this was quick and easy. After all I was misunderstood for the first time. The lawyer approached me and I began talking about how stupid the request of my hearing was, and if I did not solve the problem at once, he said "I will give it to me". With confidence, I informed him that I would like to meet him before the judge if I do not do so. We discussed the legal issues at hand. You found that his attitude toward me was very different from before. The lawyer made his routine offer of reconciliation I immediately declined. He was very anxious now. He realized that something was very different.

About an hour later, we ended in front of the judge. My child's assistance subscribed to health insurance of $ 225.00 to $ 243.00 per child aid month from $ 1,113.00 per month and she joined health insurance. In addition, the share of my visit with my child has decreased from 5% to 43%. It turned out that my ex-wife earned more than $ 100,000 a year. I submitted a subpoena to the bank and the employer based on rumors heard that she has a second job, but I did not know. The subpoena revealed that she actually did the second job. She has not disclosed this to the court. Even her lawyers did not know this! Indeed, her "second job" gained considerably more income than her normal job. A big mistake on her part! Needless to say, I won the relief I was looking for! My ex-wife might have won the previous battle, but eventually I lost the war. Over the next six months, I had other legal problems that I could solve. I ceased to move her out of the country with her children. In fact, this did not require hearing. She accepted my legal explanation of what the court actually did and she decided not to move.

On another occasion, the school faculty attended by my children felt that I was not obligated to provide me with a copy of my child's report or other information. (Emergency medical contact information, notification of parent faculty meeting, resume etc. ...) It is important to note that my wife's mother was a vice chairman of the Board of Education. The principal, teacher, teacher, school nurse knew this. There is no doubt that the decision to deny parental rights was directly related to my mother's mighty position. Well, I filed a lawsuit with the principal, deputy principal, school nurse, local and county board of education, civil courts naming the California State Board of Education.

At the hearing the county lawyer talked to me and regretted that this problem had to be raised. He agreed that the position of the school can not be legally supported under family law. He told that their position is wrong and told that the policy to prevent parents receiving joint legal protection from seeing children's school records is illegal and should be changed immediately. The problem was solved in the corridor and never made it to the judge and for just reason.

There is the most important part of this story: After resolving legal problems, my ex-wife got a message. She noticed that I never used as a legal punch. I will not roll anymore. There is no more default and there is no more passivity. I became an active participant. I will learn how the system worked in the end, and actively protect themselves with the potential problems that may arise in the future. And what do you guess? After she understood, she could not win automatically any more, and we never made another legal dispute! Immediately after the final hearing of the court, our conversation became a citizen, but it was limited only to the lives of the children. How exactly it should be! (And it should have been from the beginning)

My child has grown up now and my personal family struggle is over. I learned a difficult way that what you are doing now determines the quality of relationship with your children in the future. People forget that children are under the protection of either parent for only a relatively short period of time. When they reach the majority, the real relationship begins! I was fortunate to have found my failure in time. At the end of the court hearing I was able to reverse the endless trend of the court 's hearing without end. After the meeting, I promised to make the changes necessary for my attitude and approach, and then changed all that. I learned valuable lessons. You know the rules before playing the game! Once I found the game rules, it all changed.

Finally, the problem of family law will have the most significant impact not only on you, but also new wife, girlfriend, parents, grandparents, aunt / uncle, employer, friend and your child. Do not wait anymore! Do not wait too late! Make a commitment now Learning the framework of family legislation allows you to change all the lives and lives around you. Please do your homework first! You can bet that Ex has!

Mike L. Weening, Esq.

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